First: a quick apology for disappearing without a word after my last rather agitated post. All's good now, at least with regards to the point where I left off last.
This post will be as long as I can last sitting in this position - am rather uncomfortable cuz of the funnily unstrategic position my knee is in. I don't know how long I can hold out before I start screaming in pain... AGAIN. Oh! For those who are not in the know, I got my knee done. The ligament in my knee that is. Contrary to popular belief I did NOT go under the knife for cosmetic reasons, when you see me next, you'll know that I speak the truth. In fact, you might recommend that I DO give cosmetic surgery a shot. ;) Anyhows, on the 2nd of Sept last year (it was a Friday, in case anyone reading this is half as anal as I am), I injured myself badly during training and as a result of that, tore my ligament. And because of many reasons I'd rather not discuss, I'd put off surgery till now. So, I unintentionally tore my lateral meniscus as well. (These are just big words that all refer to the crucial tissues surrounding our knee joint) All in all, you can imagine that the surgery was a long and bloody one. It took slightly more than 2 hours and it has left me with some scars which you can check out the next time we meet, but right now I am just suffering a whole lot of PAIN, STIFFNESS in the joint and SORENESS. Those who know that I underwent the same surgery for my right knee in 2002 (the year I took my 'A's), it SOOOO does not get easier to deal with or less painful the second time around. Bleah. BUT I still want to joga capoeira again soon, so we'll endure the pain, won't we? *grunt* wait up.. gotta shift the position of my leg.. cramping up.
ok.. let's get on with it. am falling asleep cuz of the painkillers and blah.. see my life's tragedies just keep coming, don't they? *drama queen roll-of-the-eyes* I'm learning to walk all over again, with the help of crutches. Have a lot of trouble with steps. and my right leg which the physiotherapist termed "the good leg" (ironic cuz in 2002 it was the bad one!) is refusing to lift itself off the floor; I have to keep sliding it. It's all in the mind really, cuz I'm paranoid about the amount of weight I am putting on my left leg so it's all playing out in the weirdest ways. But not to worry, am slowly regaining my confidence and gungho-ness again so it's getting better.
When i returned home on Tuesday (about 24 hours after the op) I was in a lot of pain and fearful of everything. I had so much trouble moving around and one phrase kept running in my head and it's been my prayer till now: "God, I can do this only if I know You're walking beside me. So, please walk with me." This prayer has seen me through the pain and crap of the past few days. It has given me strength and courage to face whatever I've been facing in these last few days after a very painful surgery.
I've also seen, heard and felt the raw beauty of Love and Friendship in a renewed fashion. Love and Friendship have touched me in a new way. Am particularly moved by a particular friend, a fellow Capoeirista, who took the trouble to visit me at the hospital mere hours after the surgery. He was on his way home from the Causeway, after a trip to Penang, and it was a detour for sure, dropping by the hospital, but he did. And he brought chocolates with him. God bless him for remembering, and for being there at the most crucial hours after the surgery. Thank you bro, you know who you are. It was a pleasent surprise, and a very much appreciated one. Love ya!
My cousin, Su, was there too. Su and I aren't the closest of cousins, but we know enough about the goings-on in each others' lives to know that if one needs the other, we'll be there. Childhood memories abound when I think of Su and his brother, T, but that's for another time. Su brought me chocs too! I am one fat happy girl. Thank you, Su, for being there, calming my nerves down when I was freakin out the night before and for loaning me the ices! hugs.
My Ma's cousins were my first visitors, and I thank them for the laughter and the presents. They certainly got me to think about everything else but the pain.
Most important of all - my family. They were there way before and after the surgery, talking me through my fears and feeding me with courage, telling me I am going to make it. I especially want to thank my mummy sweets. I cannot do this without her. I remember telling her on Tuesday right after getting home while she was helping me get dressed after I showered that I was so thankful that I had a mum and sister cuz only they can help with the most intimate of things, like getting dressed. And I am also thankful that I don't have to go through this alone and that my family is by my side the whole way. My daddy's great in the way he looks out for me, kids around with me and scolds when I succumb to the pain. And my baby too - always teasing me about my swollen knee and being a dearie-pie buying me whatever I crave. I love them.
For my friends who've texted and called with your well-wishes, thank you too.For the few who check in with me almost everyday, really appreciate that you have me in your thoughts and I know now that you truly care, in your own ways, nevertheless. You are the same fellas whom I share an up-and-down relationship with cuz of the quick anger and disappointments that we throw at each other unintentionally most times, but at the end of the day, it's all love as my bestie would say. You guys get me through the eeky moments when I feel like I'm stuck in the gutterish hell called Pain.
I'll get through this, I know. I just need reminding sometimes, of just how strong I am as a person, both physically and mentally. And I know that I can do this because I know that He's holding my hand and walking with me.
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