What happens when I die?

WARNING: THIS ENTRY IS GOING TO BE MORBID. SO yeah. heh.

What happens when I die?

Ha, what a stupid question to ask some may say. But I am not quite talking about what will happen to me in my after-life or whatever. I am talking about what happens here.

I don't know why I am even talking about this. It's just a sudden thought that crossed my head. And I do know, from past conversations, that this thought crosses my friends' minds too. Ha. So don't pretend. ;)

Anyways the most important ego question we always ask rite after that is "Will I be missed?" and I HOPE the answer is yes.. I don't know why it'd even matter after I am dead right, but it just does. Perhaps it is an indication that we've lead meaningful lives on earth, or that we've impacted the lives of enough people, that they should care that we're gone. I don't really know.

I will just be glad if my death was celebrated by the people who truly care and love me. Other than my family for now, I don't know who else really feels that way about me - only time will tell, but ya, I guess it is important to know that the people who mourn your death are those that mean to you, as much as you mean to them.

I don't quite know where I am heading with all this. Just felt like putting my thoughts in words. Have been particularly moody the past few days and somehow it always culminates at weird and morbid reflections before the moodiness fades away.

But anyways, my best friend told me some time ago, that he only wants Tupac songs played at his funeral. And I was thinking: "Can I please not have a lengthy funeral?" I'm assuming I'll die pretty right? Ha, so I want to stay that way, so people who care enough to turn up to check me out at my funeral (yes, check me out), will remember the lil pretty me (how vain!). Ya, like before my body starts decomposing and stinking. And I want it to be so darn short, there'll be no need for song requests of any sort. Ha.

Seriously, I think the birth and passing of a person are the two most crucial points in his Life, and so they should be celebrated as best as possible. And what's interesting is that the birth of a person is celebrated typically by the most immediate of family members but his death is celebrated by more than just those selected few. Well in the ideal sense, that is. But I wonder, is the number of people who attend a particular person's funeral, truly a mark of the kind of person he was? Like did he affect the lives of that many people in his life (assuming the funeral is a crowded affair) or did he not affect that many people (if the funeral is erm a quiet affair)? Ha, this is judging a dead person isn't it? Give him a break, he's dead, no? But what's sad (for the lack of a better word) is that when a person dies, the rest of the world lives on, so they're all powerful to judge the dead person - his character, his life, his achievements (or not) and everything else he lived for.

What a tragedy - we're judged when we live, we're judged even after our passing. The tragedy of life, I say.

But let's get back to what happens when I die - will I be missed? will I not be? It's a question I cannot answer and so I shall just leave it as a question in my head.