Sandra

"What would you do?

if your son was at home

crying all alone on the bedroom floor

cuz he's hungry

and the only way to feed him is to

sleep with a man for a little bit of money

and his daddy's gone

somewhere smokin' rock now

in and out of lock down

I aint gotta job now

so for you this is just a good time

but for me this is what I call life"

This is the chorus of a number 1 hit sometime back, by City High. It's a R&B/Rap track and it tugs at my heart-strings for obvious reasons. Recently, it spoke to me in a larger than life manner when I bumped into an old friend.

*Sandra (not her real name) went to secondary school with me. She's 2 years older than me but was repeating Sec 2 when I met her. I was in Sec 1 then. We didn't hit it off immediately basically because she was always staring at me like she was perpetually unhappy with me. Whenever I saw her or any of her friends, I tended to ignore them since their reaction towards me was at the very least, puzzling. She thought I didn't like "her kind" and that I didn't think too much of them.

Then one day, she came up to me during recess and tapped me on my shoulder saying, "Eh, I want to talk to you, boleh tak?" Needless to say, I was shocked (and puzzled, of course) and just nodded my head and followed her. We walked towards an isolated stair landing and she suddenly turned and introduced herself: "My name is *Sandra, you're *Pretty Woman (not my real name) right? My friend is interested in you, can not?!" My first reaction was, "Can not?! What kind of a question is that? Since when do people go around asking if they have the permission to fancy someone? (insert: canned laughter)" I just kept my cool and smiled slightly. "Who's your friend? I know him ah?" I asked. "No lah, this fella from my class. He wants me to intro you two.. today after school lah, you don't like him nevermind.. How?" she persisted. "Ok lah, see how. After school in the canteen k?" I replied (coolly). "Woah, really ah, I thought you will mind sia, he is my kind of people you know?" she asked. "Ya, whatever lah, where got your kind, my kind, after school k!" I said and went back to the table where my fellas were sitting.

That's how it all started. What happened between the boy and me is another story altogether. What's important is how San and I met, and her perception that I wouldn't mix with "her kind" of people. "Her kind" of people were basically students who were in the Normal Technical Stream or were repeat students. When we look back together now, it's a laugh because throughout my 4 years in secondary school I hung out so much more with "her kind" of people than perhaps, "my kind" of people. Anyways, fast forward to the year 1999: Sandra met a guy whom she fell totally in love with. We were due to complete our 'O' Levels that year - she was in Sec 5 and I, Sec 4. We rarely studied together but still hung out occasionally. I saw her less and less as she spent more and more time with her new boyfriend. I was happy for her especially since she came from a difficult family background, but I also hoped that she wasn't neglecting her studies. We both knew that academic success was the only way out of the vicious cycle of poverty and a long-suffering family life and I knew she was determined not to stay trapped. Alas, after a night of heavy drinking, Sandra and her boyfriend had unprotected sex. She thought everything would be alright when they woke up in the morning, but that was not to be.

The next time I met Sandra, she was the mother of a healthy and adorable baby boy. She had left school and was uncontactable for months at a stretch. She called me one Sunday morning about three years ago begging me to come and meet her. The moment I saw her, she started crying and told me that the guy had left her for good, and the baby too. She now had to care for him all on her own. Her family had thrown her out all those years back, and she had struggled to make ends meet with the little that her boyfriend and her made through part-time jobs. When she realised that they weren't going to survive to see another day, she made a drastic decision to sell her body to earn enough to get through the hard times. Sandra became really popular with the many clients that she met through the months that she was selling herself and thus, she was earning enough to feed her "family". Unfortunately, her boyfriend heard of her "employment" just as quickly as the money was rolling in, that he left in a huff, never to return.

At that time, I was still studying and had no way of helping her. I lent her the few hundred dollars I'd saved up and told her to use it as she deemed fit. We met up a couple more times after that, and I saw her son grow up as healthily as he could given his situation. He was tough and independent, even at that tender age and seeing him gave me great joy. I totally understood why Sandra never gave him away; even I couldn't have. Seeing him smile his sweet little smile, calling out to his mummy, Sandra, in his innocent voice - these small and sweet little gestures never failed to make me gush and many a times caused me to unleash every ounce of maternal instinct I possessed.

After that, I got really busy with school, and Sandra stopped calling gradually. I assumed that she was getting along fine with life and prayed for her well-being as well as her son's. I also hoped that a nice guy would come along and fill the void that her boyfriend had left the day he went away. I did not meet her again for about a year or so, but she never left my mind.

I met Sandra on Sunday evening at the Causeway. I was on my way back from my holiday in Penang and she, on her way back from her in-laws' place in JB. She screamed out to me from a distance and when I turned towards the direction of her voice, I recognized her instantly. Sandra got married early last year and has another child with her current husband. He is the nice young man I'd prayed for. He loves her dearly and doesn't mind her past. He treats Sandra's first child like his own. He's more than I could have asked for, for her. She's truly happy and is currently studying and working part-time. She is determined that her children should never face the terrible things she had to pull through. She wants to study and work hard so that when her children are old enough, they'll know that no mistake is too big to be corrected. She's also recently gotten into contact with her family again and they're trying to mend the bridges that they'd knowingly or unknowingly burnt all those years. Sandra is finally happy and I'm so happy for her. I cried as I hugged her goodbye. As I turned to walk back to my family, a little voice whispered out to me, "Auntie Nithiya, why you never hug boy-boy?" I gasped. In all the excitement of meeting a long-lost friend, I'd totally forgotten to acknowledge the little bundle of joy that had kept Sandra alive and determined to change her life all these years. Except that now, he was no longer a little bundle. He's a chubby little boy of 5 and still smiles the same signature smile that had me gushing all those years back. I turned back, picked him up and hugged him as tight as I could. "Auntie Nithiya, I missed you, you know. I asked Mummy why you never come and see me. Now I have so little toys you know, bcos you never buy for me," he rambled. I couldn't speak, my tears were flowing freely for all to see - immigration officers, Sandra, the many people dashin by hoping to reach home within the hour, people too busy to recognise the effort and determination a homeless girl had put in, to set her life back on track.

There are so many girls like Sandra. Some whose lives work out for the better, God Bless, and some whose lives don't. Nevertheless, I applaud their courage in seeing Life through and taking every struggle in their stride. It is definitely not easy and I'm not going to pretend like I understand what they go through on a daily basis or how they feel, but I can definitely understand why they choose to embrace their "mistake" - a baby borne out of lust or a moment of heated passion, because children are innocent and they teach us so much more of ourselves than we could have ever learnt on our own. In Sandra's words, "My babies have taught me so much, babe. I never knew I could live to see today, but they give me the hope and the determination to, every single day. I dedicate the rest of my life to them." I couldn't have said it better myself.

This is my dedication to every girl out there living the life that she dreamt about and for those girls who are struggling to put together a life that is worth dreaming about. Amen.