Back in Action?!

*sheepish grin* ok, make that an incredulous looking sheepish grin.

Ha. Before the rest of you jump on the bandwagon (yes, all 2 of you) and start screaming at me for not blogging for approximately five hundred years after I said that I would, I apologize. Really. I've been wanting to blog for the longest time (about 378.98 years) but I haven't found the time nor the inspiration. And now, suddenly, as I peck at my home-made (ok, i-made) scrambled egg and cheese (yes, I NEED cheese with EVERYTHING), I feel a sudden urge to blog.

The past few days have been spent very meaningfully - I have stared (repeatedly) at the slightly more than four walls that make up my family's humble HDB apartment and I see funny cracks and lines that run down them that I've never noticed before. In fact, if I look hard enough, I think I do see hieroglyphic symbols scratched across my living room wall (which is where I am sitting and writing this). Yeah, ok. Nice try, Nitz! ;) Ok, seriously, lousy attempts at being funny or remotely intelligent aside, my family's gone to Brisbane for a 12-day trip while I, thanks to Squareness, Inc. am stuck at home counting the days down. Surprisingly, I have yet to find myself bored (or being boring), so I safely conclude that I do know how to entertain myself sufficiently well. More importantly, I need to say a quick thank you to the friends who made their way over to my place for breakfast/lunch/dinner and staying way after the meal to catch up. Special thanks to the friends who invited me to their homes for nice home-cooked meals, every one of which I thoroughly enjoyed! =) Big, big thank you to my GrandmaCool for constantly calling and checking in with me. And MeiMei, you too.

I've learnt quite a lot during this alone-time. Those who are close to me know that I'm incredibly close to my family. So, I was really upset when they left last Friday morning. Tears welled up in my eyes as we said goodbye but somehow I knew that the last thing I would feel in the coming 11 days, is lonely. And so far, with 2 more days left, I can safely say I was correct. What I didn't know though, was the tremendous amount of appreciation I would have for my Mum and the good work she does in maintaining this household as the days go by. I stayed in the hostel at NUS in my final semester, and I gained a fair bit of independence, in terms of caring for my own needs and clening up after myself and such. However, in the past few days, the amount of work I have to put in to ensure that the house is well taken care of, I have food to eat when I am hungry, I have clean clothes to wear when I need them, the prayer rituals are performed well and right, is tremendous, in comparison to the three or so months I spent living away from home. I now have even more respect and love for my Mum and I am so grateful for her undying devotion to the family and our home. She tirelessly cooks and cleans (and these are just broad verbs that encapsulate all the nitty-gritty things she does) on a daily basis and I applaud her.

Just two nights ago, I remembered a comment a relative once made about housewives/homemakers that if I recall correctly was made in the presence of my Mum (who is a homemaker). The lady said something along the lines of "A housewife is so free that she can do whatever she wants with her time, unlike Working Mums whose time is so squarely split between work and home. A housewife therefore has no stress/pressure while the stress faced by a Working Mum is unmatchable". I remember walking off in disgust as the lady continued to justify herself. Needless to say, she is one of those - the Working Mum. What is strange to me, is that, people would mindlessly equate housework and general household management as stress-free. That, to me, is plain ignorance. This is because, a large majority of Working Mums employ domestic helpers to manage the household chores. If they took the time to find out just how much stress their domestic helpers are facing on a daily basis, they'd understand that it is about 75% of the stress that homemakers face, simply because they're a lot more responsible for the family than the domestic helpers are. What I am trying to say is that, for us, who are not always involved with a majority of the household chores, it is interesting to take a walk in the shoes of those who are. The amount of responsibility that comes with it, can be a tad overwhelming.

On the 2nd day my family was away, (it was a Saturday) I already felt overwhelmed. I had to wake up early so that I could collect the newspapers at the door (before someone else gets to it.. steals it), I had to ensure that prayer rituals were done, I had to make my own breakfast (which I normally don't do on Saturdays because Mum would buy breakfast), I had to sweep the floor, re-arrange some of the stuff in my room (just refurnished it, so it was in a mess.. err.. kinda still is), make lunch, conduct my tuition lesson etc. Then, my dollieShi came over for pizza and a movie, and that was a blissful end to an otherwise fairly hectic and household chores-y day. Up till then, I did not realise just how much my Mum needed to do in a day. On Monday, when I fell sick, I had to drag myself around the house doing stuff, at a much slower pace, and I kept thinking of those times when my Mum fell ill and would still cook lunch/dinner, sweep/mop the floor or iron the massive pile of clothes. "Amazing, isn't she?" I thought to myself.

For one, I know that when they return from the trip, I will do my part and chip in a lot more with the household chores so that I can lessen the burden for my Mum. On the other hand, I am now quite against the idea of moving out on my own. For a while, at least. Initially, I was thinking of moving out and renting an apartment on my own, but now I realise that the comfort of home is really quite hard to match. Plus not having my Mum or brother to talk to when I return home from work is definitely more than enough to drive me mad after a while. Ha.

All in all, these past few days have been a good way for me to realise just how much my family means to me, how much effort my Mum puts in for the family and on a slightly different note, that blood is indeed thicker than water and I have my sister to thank for this.

I have also discovered how wonderfully self-sufficient I am and that contrary to what some people told me in the past, I am an adaptable person. I've also learnt to label this certain feeling I've had about particular people as "jealousy" and that a little bit of the J word doesn't hurt anyone. ;)

Watched Blood Diamond for the second time last night, and I leave you with one of my favourite lines in the movie. It is something that Danny Archer (Leonardo di Caprio's character) says: "Sometimes I wonder... will God ever forgive us for what we've done to each other? Then I look around and I realize... God left this place a long time ago".

Till next time~ =)