What has passed is indeed the PAST.

She laid on her bed and stared upward at the ceiling. Millions of thoughts ran through her mind and she settled on none. This was becoming a habit - her lying on the bed at night, unable to sleep, staring at the ceiling for ages, thinking and thinking about everything and anything.

She was confused. She was hurt. She was disappointed. She had let her guard down, after so many years of playing tough and protecting herself, she had let her guard down. She had made herself vulnerable. She had let herself be a victim, even though she knew the pain she'd have to endure.

Now she felt silly, even empty. It was all too late. What could she do now except live the pain through, till it hurt no more? Let the disappointment stay till she was so drained she couldn't feel disappointed anymore? It was really too late.

She had fallen deeper than she thought she'd ever have. Deeper than it was possible to fight to stay afloat. She was sinking. Sinking really fast. There was nothing to hold on to. Nothing at all, except for the very same feelings of pain, anguish and disappointment. Ironically, they were the ones who kept her from sinking too fast. The constant reminder of how she felt after it all kept her soul burning to stay alive, to live through it. She didn't know if she could, but she knew that she should.

The struggle got harder and harder. At times she gave up only to sink in further. But the pain made her push up harder to stay afloat. And this was draining her soul of the very energy it needed to keep her alive. But she tried not to give up. The more she tried the harder it got. But she pushed on.

Finally she had reached the top where it was safe again, where she could take long breaths of fresh air and KNOW that she was indeed alive. She looked around her and all she saw were the dark walls of her bedroom. She had closed her eyes for a few minutes and her mind had taken her on a journey, but the very same journey - scary for some, but enlightening for her - gave her the answers she needed.

She needed to get over the feelings that were engulfing her. She needed to breathe as freely as she could so that she wasn't the one holding her back. She was ready to embrace her next challenge. "What's passed is past" she told herself and fell asleep with a smile on her face.


Sometimes, we feel as if Life has dealt us too many shit cards that we just can't move on. But if we take things in our stride (and that is easier said than done, I would know this) it makes Life so much easier to deal with. The cynic in me is always wary of the bad stuff that sometimes the good stuff just passes me by. Sometimes, I forget to live for the moment because I am too busy being cautious so that I don't screw up my tomorrows. Let loose at times, and Life does go easy on us. The Happy Man lives way longer that the one who scrutinizes and lives in anticipation. Well, I am still learning everyday to BE the Happy Man. I am still searching for the Happy Woman (can't help it, am still faintly feminist!) in me. But I know I am not ALL-CYNIC cuz I do hope to find this Happy Being real soon.

Cheers! =]